Proud and Prejudiced

I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

     I am definitely one of the privileged. Yes, that I know for sure even by the simple fact that I go to one of the leading schools in the nation. But even without that, in general, I would agree: my life has been success-skewed.

     I remember when the admission officer from a Korean college who asked us, “after all, you guys all have experienced failure, no?” He probably would have expected us to have applied to other science high schools and failed, as a result, ended up here. I, was not the case. I have successfully achieved my dream of attending one of the so-called elite high schools (though it depends on what the person thinks), which was my primary 'dream school'. I was offended by the admission officer’s proud trial to regard my school as an alternative to the best.

     Is defining my life as success-skewed a proud action? Stating that my life is success-skewed does not mean it is failure-proof. I would say that I was prone to failure as much as anyone was. The first 'failure' that impacted me occurred in my 8th grade when I could not get into a science club in my school. I was annoyed, feeling that I was equivalent to the new members embraced to the club. I thought I deserved better, and that there was nothing that made me inferior to them. The next year I applied again, and using the famous and fancy example of Le Chatelier's principle in my interview, successfully impressing the club members (which sounds funny because what I said was more of a simple science trick). Soon I forgot what my first 'failure' felt like and never did it bother me.

     The second experience of 'failure' was similar to the prior, which happened in my 10th grade. Being new to the school and again facing the club interviews, all the students in my school seemed superior. Ironically the majority of the students were depressed, already regarding themselves as a life-long loser. But soon things got better, everything was okay again, and everyone overcame their stress.

     But then, can I address it as a failure if the recovery was so easy? Can failure be so subtle that the experience is fond enough for it to be tear-less and hopeful? On something I recovered so soon that I didn't have time to despair, can it be considered something to have affected my 'life curve'? Yet, what is a failure? Not being admitted to a 'dream college'? After all, the majority of the 7.5 billion population could not attend one of the leading universities but are successfully continuing their lives.

You never fail until you stop trying.

Albert Einstein

     Einstein's words may be valid for a long-term goal, but some opportunities are only open for certain moments. School exams cannot be re-taken. Submitted work cannot be undone. Mentally, there may be no barrier that can impact one's life to the extreme, unless one keeps trying. In reality, that may not be the case. In such terms, a true 'success' cannot exist.

     Yet, Einstein's 'stop trying' can be interpreted as being proud by one's accomplishment. His definition of fail may be what is derived out of the prejudice that one's trivial victory will be durable. In other words, Einstein may be suggesting to be humble and adventurous.

     Success is undefinable, but it can be said that success in life does not refer to failure-dodging life. It would prefer, if possible, a failure-susceptible life. This is also the reason why one shall not be proud nor prejudiced against others' lives. The true success derives from a mindset to accept challenges regardless of success.

Common liverwort, also known as Marchantia polymorpha
Picture taken in school, 2019/06/24